Regrets – we all have them and they often tend to weigh us down like anchors that are impossible to remove. It is a loaded word akin to a gun, except the wounds are much deeper than anything a bullet can inflict. The pain often pulls and nags, coming and going in waves, sometimes at the most inconvenient times. The more we think about the past, the more profound these aches become.
Looking back at life, it is likely you have accumulated a fair share of “shoulda, woulda, coulda.”
Regretting what could have been or what could have been avoided. But you do not need to keep dwelling on it, with time, it is best to let your regrets go. When you think of the past, there is hardly anything that can be done except for two things – regret and reflection. It is much easier to drown in the former, but you can turn this situation around. How our past affects us totally depends on us.
So, treat this piece as a little guide to understanding how to let go of past regrets and move towards the path of forgiving – yourself and others.
Letting Go of Past Regrets – A Guide to Lighter Existence
Letting go of the past regrets does not mean you need to let go of your past. It simply means, not letting your past burden your present. There is no defined path to it nor is it linear; the journey of letting go of past regrets looks different for everybody. However, there are a few ways that can make this journey easier, so, let’s get into it.
Contemplate the Past
- Go down memory lane – The only way to let go of your regrets is to understand where they come from. You need to confront your past before you let it go. It may make you wince, sure, but, that’s the first step you must take! But remember, this is supposed to be a short walk, don’t turn it into a marathon, where you exhaust yourself.
- Ask yourself important questions – Here we are not talking about questions like, ‘Why was I such a fool?’ or ‘Why did I act so stupidly?’ No, here we are talking about gentler and more important questions. Ask yourself, ‘What prompted me to act the way I did?’ or ‘What did I learn from that experience and what did it ultimately lead to?’ Hindsight is always 20/20, so, think clearly about the factors that led to what happened and if any of them were really in your control.
- Embrace the outcome – When you ask yourself the tough questions, tough answers will come up. Chances are, these will lead to strong emotions. But, don’t let these emotions drown you. Accept them, embrace them, and move on. The aim is to understand yourself, not indulge in self-beating.
Challenge Yourself Kindly
- Challenge your negativity – Being kind to yourself is really important when dealing with past regrets. When you go to your past, there are great chances of you starting to hate yourself and think of yourself as a bad or incapable person. That’s when you need to be kind to yourself and challenge such negative thoughts. Whenever you indulge in negative self-talk, rephrase yourself. Don’t allow yourself to demean your own self.
- Treat yourself like your friend – Would you hate your friend if they made a mistake? Would you ask them to indulge in self-hatred? No, you would not. Similarly, that’s not something you should do to yourself. Just the way you would comfort a friend, comfort yourself. Those words of kindness you have for others, redirect them to yourself.
Be Honest &Take Responsibility
- Accept your faults – Acknowledge and accept what you did not did not do. You need to be honest with yourself and accept your faults. Nobody is perfect and that’s fine. We mess up and we learn from it. Accept where you might have messed up and take responsibility for it. However, do not burden yourself with it, don’t take on more blame than you deserve.
- Make amends – The problem with past regrets is, it is hard to make amends. But, it is not impossible. Maybe you can still go back and make amends with somebody. Maybe you can still pursue a hobby you did not continue. Maybe it is too late but who cares? It is never too late for two things – rebuilding relationships and learning something new!
Practice Forgiveness
- Forgive yourself – It is perhaps the most difficult thing to do but forgiving yourself is a bridge you must cross. It is not only about yourself, sometimes, forgiveness is also about others. No matter the nature of your regret, you need to forgive yourself to let go of it completely.
- Treat it as a process – Forgiveness does not happen in a vacuum, it is something you must actively pursue and keep on pursuing. Somedays, you will not feel like forgiving yourself but those are the days when you need to forgive yourself the most. Add patience, time, and grace to your process and trust it completely.
Live in the Present
- Pay Attention to the Present – At the end of the day, your past is in the past. Dwelling on it cannot change it. To let go of your past regrets, focus on the present. Pay attention to what is happening around you. Focus on the moments that are happening in the now.
- Redirect your attention – your mind will wander back to your past regrets again and again. You must be mindful of these moments and redirect your attention to what is happening around you. From the laughter of your family to that last ray of sun making its way to you through the window – focus on what’s in the present.
- Find your joy – A cup of tea, a good book, a call with a friend – focus on the small pleasures that make life worth living. Find joy in the little things – it will certainly make a huge difference in how you perceive happiness.
Ask For Help
- Know your limits – There is a limit to what you can endure and if it is getting too much, simply ask for help. You do not need to bear the burden of your past regrets alone. When it becomes too heavy, seek support to help release some of it.
- Seek help and gain new perspectives – Whether it is family, friends, or a professional, seek help where you think you need it. You do not need to be alone through this journey of letting go of your past regrets, you can always ask for help. This will also open you up to new perspectives that will help you understand your situation.
- Remember you have support – You may think you don’t, but you always have more support than you can perceive. All you need is to call out for it. There are people who love you and respect you. Always remember this and draw strength from it!
To Sum Up
When life throws lemons, you ought to make lemonade, or maybe squeeze it back in life’s eyes – it’s all up to you. Keep your inner child alive, after all, it is easiest to forgive a child. And at every stage of your life, you were a child going through something new. So, always remember that your regrets do not define you. They were lessons that helped you grow up. So, be kind to yourself and let your past regrets go for a happier present and future.
FAQs
1. How do I deal with past regrets?
To deal with your past regrets, introspect your past and understand the reasons for your regret. Understand the reasons and strive for self-forgiveness to overcome your past regrets.
2. How do I forgive myself for my past regrets?
Looking back, there were probably several factors influencing your decision, some within your control and some not. It is important to look at your situation objectively to forgive yourself for your past regrets.
3. How do I stop regretting my past actions?
To stop regretting your past actions, evaluate them in the light of the newer perspective that you have gained with age. Talk to your friends and strive to live in the present.
4. How do I deal with past regrets in a relationship?
To deal with past regrets in relationships, accept your faults and take responsibility for your actions. Act responsibly and apologize where you need to. There is very little a heartfelt apology cannot solve!
