10 Simple Ways to Support a Friend or Family Member Through Tough Times!
Our conversations with our friends and family are frequently limited to seemingly simple exchanges such as “How are you?” But feeling safe talking about anything beyond the first “How are you?” is something everybody in your life should be able to do. Life deals us blows. Therefore, the emotional and mental health needs of one another in supportive ways must be normalized by us.
When a loved one suffers from sudden strong feelings, is unable to deal with life without self-medication through drugs or alcohol, or cannot perform daily tasks due to stressors, it may be advisable to lend a hand.
Personal failures, breakups, feelings associated with sudden loss, abuse cases, domestic violence, loss of sense of life purpose, toxic workplace issues, and family or partner relationship dilemmas tend to bring about these big feelings on account of stressful surroundings or situations. These problems can severely impact a person in the long run. However, be patient and don’t judge.
It has been found scientifically that social support can mitigate the effects of stress and adversity in life. Let’s look at a few of the more straightforward ways that one can go ahead and support a friend or family member in times of hardship.
Connect with them regularly
As early as you have noticed symptoms of your loved one being out of sorts, the next best thing is to reach out to them. People often withdraw from emotions when tremendous emotional disturbances occur. If a friend has not contacted you for days or has closed up tight about any of those routine functions, call or visit them personally. They may not respond at first. Take more attempts. Be persistent but polite. People often appreciate when they know a friend cares enough to keep in touch. Depending on how close you are, you can also check with your mutual friends and family members.
Let them know you’re ready to help
After you have managed to make contact with your friend, let them know that you are available for help or just to talk about whatever they want to share. Simply show that you’re within their reach as it is the greatest act of friendship. Don’t rush any conversation. Just your presence would be enough for the time being. Let your friend feel comfortable enough to start talking about what’s bothering them. Allow time to bring up your concerns. However, avoid pushing your friend to talk about things in their life. Don’t pressurize them. They may feel agitated and leave the conversation.
Listen actively
It’s always tempting to react and respond. But in this scenario, take your time to simply listen as it may be burdensome for them. After your friend opens up with you, don’t offer any advice solution to your friend. You don’t need to solve their problems. All you can do is just actively listen and try to understand their situation from their point of view. You may ask questions to better understand their perspective, feelings, emotions, etc., but ask from a neutral point of view. Don’t offend them. Be sympathetic. Focus on their present.
Validate your friend’s feelings
It can be hard to resist analysing your friend’s situation. But, wait a minute. Acknowledge what your friend is going through and make statements that would ease your friend’s emotional burden- I understand that you have the right to be sad or upset about this. Try to communicate understanding with your friend to make them feel less alone and less misunderstood. Help them to feel light and it’s okay for them to feel like they do; you shouldn’t compare their feelings with somebody else’s.
Provide a safe space
Most people don’t talk about their emotions because of the stigma around us. Mental health is still a taboo in most societies. When you come across a friend in need of support during a tough time, simply provide a safe space for them. Let them talk and drive the conversation. Offer a shoulder to cry on, literally and figuratively. You can play a huge role by simply being present in their life. Don’t judge or gloat about your success. Just make your loved ones feel comfortable enough so they can trust you to share their feelings with you.
Encourage them to seek professional help
If your loved one doesn’t show any signs of improvement for weeks, ask them to see a professional. It could be a general physician, a psychologist or a counsellor. Ask your friend if they need your help to find a professional or to book an appointment. It’s because you need to be realistic. To help your friend, you need to be in the best headspace. Unless you are a professional, these sensitive issues can be difficult to handle. Be a friend, not their therapist. By doing the latter, you may end up doing more harm than good.
Know when to pause
Sometimes, your friend may not be ready to talk. They may feel comfortable to talk to you but not any other friend or vice versa. Sometimes, they will not be willing to seek help. Or, they may not be able to view their inability to cope as a problem. In this situation, it’s best to hit the pause button. Give it time. Be patient. Take a step back. Remind them that you are available, but do not pressure them into it. Let them decide on when to heal and how to heal. Be consistently supportive and keep reassuring your friend that you’ll be present by their side whenever they’re ready to help themselves.
Educate yourself
When you suspect your friend is suffering from mental, emotional or physical health issues, educate yourself. Problems like depression, anxiety, substance abuse, etc need some expertise to deal with. Be very careful about your tone of body and words. Even though you might want to provide unconditional love and support to your friend, exposing the problems in front of him might make things worse. Such hopelessness may not be easy to get out of, and one should be careful regarding this since one may with a comment simply push a friend farthest into that. A discussion about mental woes might not be an easy one to start, but with care and support, you shall be able to help your close ones.
Reassure realistically
The kind of sentiments like, “It’s all in your head”,”stop overthinking”, “It could be worse” may create negative outcomes. Reframe that into dialogues like, “We’ll get through this together”; “Help is available when you’re ready to take it”; and “A lot of people love you.” Keep in mind that you may not say the right thing. But you can provide compassion and express your concern. It’ll help your provider understand that they can turn to someone or something when it gets lonely for them.
Honour your promises
If you have offered to support your friend, don’t abandon them. It can be as simple as, having lunch together every Sunday or going to the doctor with them. Showing up is being there for your friend, which alone goes a long way. Call ahead and apologize if something truly unavoidable forces you to miss it. In the end, if your friend has asked you to keep something confidential, please do not violate that honour by telling other friends or family later.
FAQs
1. What do I do with a friend who is depressed? Can I still make social plans with them?
Yes. Treat them normally and with respect. Don’t make your friend conscious of their struggles. Make social plans as you’d normally. However, have open communication with them. Motivate them to step out and meet you but don’t push too hard. Give them space.
2. I feel that helping my friend is affecting my life too. I feel drained but I still want to support my friend. What can I do?
Your well-being is as important as your friend’s well-being. Get in the right headspace before attempting to help somebody else. If your emotional state does not allow you to go the extra mile, it is perfectly fine. Take your time. Encourage your friend to seek professional help, and check whether a mutual friend or family member could help by looking after them.
3. What else can I do to lend a helping hand to my friend?
Apart from encouraging your friend to seek professional help, you can recommend journaling. You can also motivate your friend to be a part of some light-hearted social gatherings. Life can be hard but with the right quality of friends, everything can be easy.
